BREAKING:Wisconsin man last seen single in Cheyenne, WyomingEXCLUSIVE:35 witnesses prepare for 4-day Hammel takeoverDEVELOPING:Frontier Days bracing for impact · Bachelor life expectancy: 9 weeksREPORT:Hammel family confirms: "we've been preparing for this day"
Established · Cheyenne · July XXIII · MMXXVI
Wanted
Zach Hammel
for crimes of charisma, terminal popularity, & refusal to remain single
Reward: One Hell of a Send-Off
— Time Until Apprehension —
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Days
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Hours
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Minutes
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Seconds
★ Cheyenne · Frontier Days · July 23–26 ★
★ THE DAILY HAMMEL ★ · VOL. 1, NO. 1
★ FRONT PAGE
Local Legend Plots Final Escape From Singlehood, Insists "I'm Fine"
Sources close to Hammel report he has been practicing his wedding dance in the mirror for "at least 8 weeks." Family declines to comment.
★ EXCLUSIVE
Two Brothers, One Father Confirmed in Attendance — "We're Bringing Receipts"
Hammel family arrives in Cheyenne armed with decades of stories, photos, and at least one VHS tape rumored to be from a 4th-grade talent show.
★ DEVELOPING
Posse Members Now Compete For Stranger Affection In Place Of Phone Numbers
Once known for collecting digits, Zach's gang now collects votes. "We've evolved," says one accomplice. "Mostly." Live rankings below.
★ OP-ED
Why Zach Hammel Has Always Been The Life Of The Party — A Definitive Investigation
Page 4. Plus: 17 Eyewitness Accounts. The Quotes. The Photos. The Dance Moves. The Reckoning Begins July 23.
— Official Rookie Card —
The Legend
[ HALL OF FAME PHOTO ]
Zach Hammel
★ Position: Bachelor (Retiring) ★ #1 of 1 ★
Hometown[ pending ]
Signature Dance Move[ pending ]
Karaoke Go-To[ pending ]
Catchphrase[ pending ]
Years Singleapproximately too many
Best Quality[ pending ]
Worst Decision[ pending — we'll get there ]
— Stranger Vote · Live —
The Posse Leaderboard
Zach's crew, ranked by stranger votes. Back in their bachelor days, these men competed for
phone numbers in dimly lit bars. This week, they compete for your vote.
Tap a podium. Cast a ballot. Crown the king.